The Watcher's Widow
by ImaginaryGoddess
Summary: Cassandra Ashfield has nothing left to live for following the death of her beloved, Matthew except to continue their shared Quest to gain more aid for the Slayer. Shunned the Council, Cass has one last option go to Sunnydale herself.
1. The Watcher's Diary of the late Matthew ...

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The last entry in the Watchers Diary of Matthew Ashfield 

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My Dearest Cassandra,

I am writing to you, my beautiful wife, instead of my usual journal entry because after tonight I may never see you again. Tonight I will attempt to stop a vampiric group of assassins known as 'The Three'. They plan to travel to the United States to hunt down the Slayer. I must prevent them somehow from leaving these shores. Although, the current Slayer – Buffy Summers – is the strongest and best Slayer ever by my reckoning, she will be no match for these unusually powerful demons.

Typically the Council is of no use in this matter as they will not get involved – they refuse even to allow me to warn Buffy or her Watcher. They say that if she is worthy, she will survive. If not, then the next Slayer will be called. They say we are in a war where individual soldiers do not count. As you know, I feel differently. I believe the experience and skills gained over time by a Slayer are invaluable and should be preserved. Therefore, surely we must work towards protecting the current Slayer at all costs? Surely, this is preferable to a steady stream of young and inexperienced Slayers. And that is before one even stops to think of all this on the personal level.

The Slayer is the Chosen One. The Chosen One - I think about that part a great deal. One girl with the strength and skill to fight vampires and demons. When I think of this one girl – practically a child – and all the sacrifices she must make in order to stand between us and the destruction of the world, it makes me want to weep. However, all the Council thinks about is tradition, internal politics and power. You know better than anyone else, my love, how weary I am growing of their constant failure to give real aid in the battle against evil in which we all must play a part. The Council's lack of respect for the importance of the Slayer makes me ashamed to be a part of it and being ashamed to be a Watcher makes me ashamed of who I am.

The Slayer is not here to serve the Watchers. We exist to serve her, to help her in her war against evil - that is the way it should be. Especially Buffy, the current Slayer – she is so unique. She has friends – something that has previously been unheard of for a Slayer! A circle of friends who are right by her side at all times supporting her in her constant fight. Then there is her brilliant Watcher, Rupert Giles (whom, by the way, I can only ever hope to emulate) who loves his charge like a daughter – something which is frowned upon by the Council as a lack of objectivity – yet something that you and I have always seen as exceptional. It is these things which make Buffy unique and in turn make her so special and so strong.

I am the first to admit that I am no Slayer - although I can hold my own in a fight with a vampire if I am so required and have done so many times. So what chance do I have of defeating 'The Three' when I believe that even the current Slayer (whom I profess to be so incredible) cannot? I will probably not survive the night but this is the cause of action I am forced to take if I am to redeem the name of Watcher to myself. 

All my life I have prepared for the sacred duty I was destined to embrace but what does it all mean if I am forced to accept the constant degradation of all for which it was supposed to stand. I can no longer stand by and do so little when so much needs to be done. The Slayer, her Watcher and her friends cannot do it alone forever. I sometimes wonder what I, one man, could do to help them in the long run. But what does that matter really? When it comes down to it, the effort must be made regardless. 

That is why I have decided that if, somehow, I live to see the dawn I will leave the Council and England behind to undertake what I have come to see as my purpose. The purpose of a true Watcher. I pray that you will be at my side as we join the Slayer's circle together. Since the moment we met and you left your beloved Australia to join me in England, you and I have been as one in all things and I know you feel the same as I regarding the Council and the need to assist the Slayer.

Cassie, my darling, if you are reading this then I have fallen. I want you to know that you have been my light and my strength these past years and it is because of your love and support that I can now face my destiny without shame knowing that I was true to myself and what I believed in. Even if I fail in my mission to stop 'The Three' no-one can say that I have failed in my sacred duty. If you ever have the chance – and if he still lives following my failure to defeat 'The Three' - will you speak of me to Rupert Giles? I want him to know that at least one member of the Watchers Council always had the best interests of his Slayer foremost in their mind. 

My only regret - beyond wishing that I had proposed years sooner than I did - is that I was unable to hold you one last time and kiss you goodbye.

Please forgive me. I had to do this. Know that I will love you forever.

Matthew 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

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A new entry in Matthew Ashfield's Watchers Diary by Cassandra Ashfield. 

A year later.

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What the hell am I doing here? What possessed me to get on this plane and fly halfway around the world to a new country where I know no-one? When I left Australia to go to England with Matthew, he was all I needed. Now I am alone.

In less than an hour I'll be in America and on my way to an unobtrusive little town called Sunnydale. An innocuous sounding name for a place where the 'convergence of mystical energies' cause all sorts of weird and wacky things to occur. Lovely place to choose as my new home, don't you think? Only I didn't choose it - it chose me.

I feel like I've been running on supercharged autopilot for the past year. I have certainly only had one thing on my mind - one purpose - that has consumed my entire being since Matthew's death and that has been to continue his work. The only thing that mattered more to Matthew than his work was me and even then only just. It never bothered me because I was at his side constantly supporting and assisting him until the work became ours - his purpose became mine.

Even thought I am writing in a Watchers Diary, I am not a Watcher. I was not 'called to take up the sacred duty' as Matthew was but this is still his story. I am just taking up the reigns in his place so I felt it was fitting to continue his diary where he left it.

God, Matt, how I wish you were with me now. I am embarking on what should have been your adventure. It was your dream but now it has become mine - and it is all I have left of you. 

As for the Council, they can go to hell for all I care. I took up Matthew's cause and campaigned furiously and unrelentingly to get more assistance and support for the Slayer and her Watcher. I've done the research - I know in the past the Council were impressed by their sacred duties rather than impressed with themselves. They once aided the Slayer in all things and did everything in their power to make things easier for one whose life was already so hard and so full of sacrifices. No friends, no family, no life plus fighting demons, vampires and other unwordly creatures bent on the destruction of humanity - if you ask me any support the girl can get is the least we can provide. 

But how could I expect to succeed where Matthew, a Watcher, had not? They would not listen, they could not understand. They only saw a grieving widow desperate for something to be done to justify her husband's death. They were very sympathetic - and very condescending. How I hate them all. This was not about my grief - it was about fighting to save the world against incredible odds. How can they not see? How can they stand by and do so little? Pompous, arrogant fools! 

So finally, they tired of me. They told me that if it meant so much to me they would send aid to the Slayer. I was thinking they meant more books, weapons, perhaps a team of researchers? But no, they sent me. Just me. They were glad to be rid of me.

What good am I? Sure I can research, collate and index with the best of them - after all, Matthew found me doing just that in the library of an Australian University. It was those very skills which were of such use to Matthew and his work so many times - but how much good will just one more research person do for the Slayer and her Watcher? How can I make a difference? But then I remember what Matthew wrote about the effort being what matters. I wanted more for them - the Slayer's circle, as Matt called them - but if all I can offer them is myself then so be it. 

I will not fail them, and I will not fail you, Matthew. I miss you, my love.

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	2. Arrival In Sunnydale

AN: Yes, I've returned to – and decided to post some stuff I wrote ages ago that never got uploaded here. I hope everyone likes… :) And yes, this is set whilst the Scoobies are still in high school – but after Angel and Buffy break up. I'll have to do some research to remember which season I set this in originally hehe.

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Cassandra disembarked and waited for her suitcases to be unloaded onto the carousel. All around her were people greeting each other with hugs and kisses. She stood alone - isolated - from the crowds that surrounded her. She was too distracted to notice. Or rather she was too focussed on what she was doing. That had been the way things had been for a year now. Concentrate on the task at hand and nothing else mattered. It was the only way she could keep going.

Right now, she was going to collect her suitcases and head straight for Sunnydale High - the library to be precise. The rest of her belongings were in storage in England and would be sent to her once she was settled. Cassandra was nervous about meeting the Watcher, Rupert Giles, but there was no reason to put it off any longer than necessary. She had no place else to go. Well, that wasn't exactly true - the Council had arranged accommodation for her at some motel that she was certain would be very cheap. The Council weren't known for their generosity when it came to finance - but then again they had proved to her that they weren't generous in any respect. In any case, she wasn't in any hurry to check in at what would most certainly be the Fleabag Inn.

The taxi ride was uneventful but she noticed it was getting extremely dark outside and began to wish that she'd planned her plane trip to arrive in Sunnydale with plenty of daylight to spare. She was new to the town but she knew the score - when it got dark it got extra dangerous.

Arriving at the entrance to Sunnydale High, she paused in the doorway and steeled herself. 'I can do this.' She thought fiercely. With it being after school hours, there was no-one around to ask for directions so she wandered until she found signs that led her to the library. She pushed open the swinging doors and entered.

"Hello?" She voiced cautiously as she placed her suitcases on the floor. "Mr Giles?"

"Yes?" came an answering voice and a face peered out from an office off the main library. "Can I help you?"

"I'm Cassandra Ashfield. The Council sent me." She felt like she would choke on those last words. Her contempt for the Council was overwhelming.

"Oh, of course. Forgive me for not meeting your plane but the Council were rather vague about your arrival time."

"The Council are pretty unreliable about a lot of things." She replied quietly.

Giles looked perplexed for a moment but recovered and stepped out of his office to come over and shake her hand.

Cassandra looked up into his face and was startled at the resemblance to Matthew. It was not Giles' features that reminded her of her late husband. Giles was perhaps fifteen years older than Matthew for one thing. It was more in the way he held himself, a confidence, a sense of purpose, the knowledge in his eyes perhaps, that was the similarity. This man was a Watcher in the true sense of the title if ever she had seen one.

"It's very nice to meet you, Cassandra."

"You too, Mr Giles. I've heard a great deal of good things about you. And call me Cass."

He smiled. "Well let's hope I live up to your expectations, Cass. You can call me Giles."

"Okay, Giles." Cass smiled. She liked him already.

"You must be worn out from your journey. Would you like a cup of tea?"

"That'd be wonderful, Giles."

They chatted a little about England, the weather, her flight and so on as Giles made the tea. As they sat down at the central table in the library, they discussed a little about the situation in Sunnydale and how Cass could be of assistance in the library.

Then Giles turned quiet and slightly uncomfortable. "I was most distressed to hear of your husband's death. I'm terribly sorry."

"Thank you." She whispered.

Giles remembered how he had been unusually short with Buffy and her friends the day he had heard of Matthew Ashfield's death. It had hit him harder than he would have expected. After all, he had not known Matthew personally. However, Giles had respected and appreciated the detailed research papers, reports and other pieces of information that the Council passed on which were credited to one Matthew Ashfield. He had looked forward to one day meeting the man behind the useful and often timely information – then just like that he had lost his chance.

"I always wished I had had the chance to meet him." said the librarian reflectively. "To thank him – on more than one occasion the information he uncovered enabled us to save the world."

"He would have been honoured to have met you, Giles. He had the highest respect for you and for your work as a Watcher." Cass paused, it was difficult for her to speak about Matthew but it had been his last wish for Giles to know what had become his purpose. "He wanted you to know that he was entirely dedicated to Buffy and did whatever he could despite lack of support from the Council."

Giles was stunned as he listened to the beautiful raven haired woman speak of how her husband – and she along with him – had dedicated themselves to aiding Buffy and himself wherever possible. He was moved at hearing of Cass's unsuccessful but passionate year-long struggle to gain more Council support for the Slayer. A year in which she was also dealing with the sudden loss of her life partner – living without the man she loved.

When the Council had informed Giles that they were sending a woman named Cassandra Ashfield they had not spoken of her dedication or her campaign for aid – they had simply told him that she was coming to assist him with research and nothing more. On making some further enquiries, Giles was able to discover that Cassandra was indeed related to the recently deceased Watcher, Matthew Ashfield – that she was in fact his widow.

On seeing Cass now, Giles was struck not only by her beauty but also by her youth. He had never given much consideration to how old Matthew had been – he had just assumed that he was of a similar age to himself – or perhaps older given the brilliance of his research.

"Forgive me for asking this but I'm curious – how old was Matthew when he…?"

Cass smiled. "I imagine you'll probably be surprised but Matthew turned thirty shortly before his death – he was only a few years older than myself."

Giles eyes did indeed register his amazement. "Incredible… such amazing knowledge for one so young…"

"Matthew was certainly special." Cass agreed. "The Council felt he was too young to train a potential Slayer but I think he would have done an extraordinary job – perhaps nearly as well as yourself."

Giles actually blushed at that. To cover his embarrassment he said, "If you're not too tired, Buffy and her friends will shortly be at a place – a club – called The Bronze. They're all looking forward to meeting you."

"The Slayer…" Cass knew she sounded awed and felt silly but she still felt a rush of nervousness. He wanted her to meet the Slayer now?

Giles laughed. "She's not so daunting once you get to know her."

Cass laughed too. "You can't imagine how strange it is just being here. I'm really looking forward to meeting everybody. I've read so much about all you guys that I feel like I kind of know you - but I don't - not really."

"Well let's hope you'll be pleasantly surprised at the reality. By the way, something I've been meaning to ask you, the Council weren't clear on what you actually do for them and I wondered why."

"I was Matthew's research assistant pretty much from the time I met him, so in that respect, I was never actually employed by the Council. Basically, after Matthew died I kept up his work and his research and the Council just had to accept my presence because I was in their face 24 hours a day. Finally, to get rid of me they sent me here."

"They had to send you halfway around the world to be rid of you?" His brow furrowed in confusion. "That seems a bit extreme."

"I'm glad actually, because I guess this is where I really wanted to be. Though I had hoped to be bringing weapons, books and maybe a nice research team for you but after twelve months of diligent campaigning this was all they would send you. Me."

"Well, I'm grateful for any kind of assistance. I'm sure you'll be an enormous help – I gather from the information the Council sent that your research experience is extensive." His eyes showed his appreciation and that he understood how much effort she had obviously gone to on his, and Buffy's, behalf. Then he blinked a few times as he remembered something. "Oh dear, I'm afraid that if you're interested in going to the Bronze tonight, you'll have to find your own way as I'm in the middle of some important research that I can't leave."

"I'll help you." She insisted.

"No, no." He smiled. "I'd rather you had some time to settle in before the work begins."

"I'll take her if you want. I'm heading that direction anyway." announced a deep sensual voice from the doorway.

Cass looked over at the speaker and felt paralysed. He was the most beautiful man she had ever seen - with the face of an angel... 'Oh my god.' She thought, suddenly realising that this must be the only vampire in existence who possessed a soul - Angel.

Her mind felt numb as Giles led her over and introduced them.

Angel stared at her and Cass stared at him. The strange thing was that she wasn't staring because he was beautiful. She was staring because at that moment she knew that she and Angel were connected in some way. It had been that way when she had met Matthew. They had bumped into each other in that Australian University library and she had just known. Matthew often teased her about such things and joked that she was a little bit psychic - or 'psychotic' as he liked to call it. However, he could not deny that she had been right about them. Or that he had felt the same way when he had first gazed into her eyes.

Now Angel was standing here, in another library, gazing into her eyes. Did he feel it?

Giles certainly did because he gave an embarrassed but very pointed cough.

Angel started and finally spoke without taking his eyes from Cass, "Giles, I came to let you know there are some stirrings in the underworld, it's probably nothing…"

"Even so, it's best to be on the safe side." replied Giles. "What information do you have?"

Angel could not believe how beautiful this woman's eyes were. In all his 240 years he had never seen eyes so green and so alluring. He could drown in eyes like that, he thought. Angel had never felt so drawn to a woman – not since Buffy. Buffy! He loved Buffy! How could he even think about any woman but her? No matter how green her eyes or how softly her black hair fell across her shoulders…or how lush her curves…

"Angel?" Giles interrupted his thoughts. "What have you heard?"

"Um.. not much really." Angel finally tore himself away from Cassandra's deep green eyes. He shook himself – was she some kind of witch? What was the matter with him? "Just something called 'The Engorgement of the Malfeasance' that is being talked about. I've never heard of it."

"I don't believe I have either." replied Giles.

The two men turned to Cass in confusion as she laughed heartily. She recovered quickly. "Sorry, it's just that I remember reading about that during my research and it's umm.. kind of silly."

"Silly? What do you mean?" Giles raised an eyebrow.

"Er.. it's a bunch of lesser demons getting together for a big party basically. Nothing mystical – just lots of grog, heaps of sex, some kareoke…"

"Kareoke?" Giles and Angel repeated, both looking unconvinced.

She shrugged. "It's serious and extreme, I know, but I swear it's true."

"Would you mind showing me where this information is?" asked Giles carefully, not sure whether she was having a joke at his expense.

It only took Cass a couple of minutes to locate the appropriate text – she and Matthew had often cackled for hours over those passages – and handed it over to Giles opened at the page in question.

"Yes, I see. The Engorgement of the Malfeasance, here it is. Oh, my…" Giles went very red and coughed. There were pictures.

Angel peered over his shoulder and gave a crooked little grin. "Obviously something we don't need to get involved in, eh Giles?"

"Quite." Giles swallowed his embarrassment enough to laugh along with Cass.

"Cassandra." Angel offered his arm. What made me do that, he wondered. This woman was really getting to him. "The Bronze. Shall we?"

"Sure." Cass replied, trying to sound nonchalant as she took his arm. "Tomorrow at 9am, Giles?"

"Yes. That will be fine. Once again, Cass, I'm glad you're here."

"Me too, Giles." She replied and with Angel by her side as they headed off to The Bronze it felt that she was exactly where she was meant to be.

As they walked to the Bronze, Angel told Cass a little about the people that she was about to meet. He was surprised at how easy it was to talk to her. He even felt himself smiling more than usual as she spoke enthusiastically of what she imagined Willow, Xander, Cordelia, Oz and Buffy would be like. Impressions that had been made whilst reading Giles' reports to the Council and other documentation and of how she was sure they would be nothing like she'd imagined.

Angel didn't know quite how to tell her that her impressions were extremely accurate. Instead, he just said, "They'll like you, I'm sure." And he didn't understand why it felt so good when she looked up at him shyly and smiled.

He hesitated a moment before asking, "Am I anything like you had imagined?"

She grinned wickedly. "Wouldn't you like to know?" She teased as she danced up the street ahead of him, forcing him to quicken his pace to keep up. Cass laughed as she held her arms out and twirled around.

"You seem to be in a good mood." Angel commented.

She stopped suddenly and considered him seriously. "Maybe I'm finally going mad. I haven't slept or eaten properly for a good twelve months. Everything has been about the Slayer, and fighting the Council. Nothing else has mattered. Now I'm here and suddenly I feel free and alive for the first time since…"

Angel saw the pain that appeared in Cassandra's eyes. He understood suffering and grief more than anyone and for a moment he wanted to put his arms around her.

Cass, however, didn't want to dwell on it and in a blink the pain was hidden once more behind her bright smile. "Anyway, the point is I feel incredibly high. Even if it seems a bit manic, I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts, okay?"

"Okay." He replied. However, it was obvious to him that she had buried herself in her work and had not allowed herself time to grieve. Without her single minded fight with the Council to occupy her so completely, well… Angel didn't know how long it would be before she crashed but he knew that he would be there when it happened and he would help this beautiful, fragile young woman get through it somehow. He decided to enlist Giles' aid on this matter as well. If the Watcher kept her busy enough, perhaps it would delay or lessen the inevitable?

When they arrived at The Bronze, it soon became obvious to Angel that Buffy and co. were not yet in attendance, so he led Cass through the noisy crowd to an empty table. "Would you like a drink?" He asked.

"Actually, I'd love to dance!" She exclaimed cheerfully. Grabbing his hand before he could pull away, Cass dragged him over to the dance floor.

"I uh.. don't dance." He started to protest but then figured – as she had said – that it was best for her to enjoy her good mood while it lasted. Who was he to spoil her fun? Also, somehow he couldn't bear the thought of disappointing her.

Luckily the dance floor was in full swing and as Angel was jostled around, he realised that there was no need for him to actually do anything dramatic in the way of dancing. He vaguely moved to the beat of the music and the crowd did the rest for him.

He blushed a little as Cass grinned at him. "See, it's not too painful after all, is it?" Cass was grooving now. The music was awesome. She hadn't danced for the longest time and she loved to dance. She felt like she could fly.

Angel felt himself start to relax and was quite surprised to find that he was enjoying himself. Then he felt confused and tried to sort through his emotions. There was something about Cassandra that really got to him. She was a beautiful, vibrant woman and certainly he was attracted to her but it was more than that.

And it was more than the fact that he recognised the deep pain she was managing to keep hidden behind either her laughter like now or her calm professionalism as she had in the library. She could not hide it from him though. Angel understood that kind of pain – the kind that never goes away – the kind that lurks in the shadows of your mind ready to pounce at the slightest opportunity.

He realised that the thing that really drew him towards Cassandra was that he felt comfortable with her – god, he was even smiling and laughing with her – and he had only known her for less than hour. Suddenly he was feeling less alone than usual.

* * *

There's more if it's wanted… 


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